Dating has become a complicated affair. It seemed so simple growing up watching reruns of movies from the Eighties. You pick up the girl for dinner and a movie. Then you head to the beach for a stroll with ice cream and pick a private spot for a bit of necking and romance before dropping her off at home with a chaste good-night kiss. Today that sort of date is rare, if not completely extinct. Dating is fraught with unwritten rules and expectations and it can be a minefield to navigate. It seems every element of the date is now considered at length by both parties.

Location

The location of your date is important. Busy adults tend to have less time for socialization than teens, so the date will likely be more focused on conversation and getting to know each other than just enjoying time together. A movie doesn’t give you time to visit and test the waters, so it is usually reserved for later dates. A first date tends to be a lunch meeting, happy hour for drinks or a meeting at a café or coffee shop.

The additional benefit of these locations is they provide an easy avenue for escape. Going to a movie or concert together subjects you to hours of togetherness, whether you like her or not. Going to grab coffee and chat lets you meet each other, enjoy a conversation and then go on to dinner or a walk, or you can simply end the date when the coffee and conversation run out. The same is true for happy hours and lunch dates. They can be short if necessary or the precursor to more time together if everyone is getting along nicely.

Travel

Every detail of a date is open for discussion, and many women feel more comfortable meeting at a location than being picked up by a man they don’t know especially well. This is usually a decision for the female as she is most at risk meeting a stranger for drinks or coffee. The exception would be if you don’t have access to a car, perhaps living in the city. If that is the case, mention it would be best to meet there or offer to meet her and pay for a cab together if you would prefer to offer the more traditional date pick-up. It might be best to wait for her to mention her means of arrival if possible before broaching the subject yourself.

Stages

Many dates today occur in stages. The first stage is a test. Meeting for a quick drink after work lets both of you gauge your true interest level. You then have the option of going on to get dinner together or taking in a show. If dinner goes well, you might continue the date to include an evening of dancing or jazz at a local club. If that stage goes well, you might find yourself in a coffee shop or back at an apartment rehashing the night.

Payment

Payment issues are most confusing for the modern male dater. In our world of modern dating, some women expect men to pick up the tab just as they have in previous generations. Other women expect to pay their half of the tab, and will insist upon it, to break the potential obligation of having their food and entertainment paid for before the relationship is serious. Others simply prefer to pay for their own food because it makes them feel as though they are on equal footing for the evening.

It is best to go into a date expecting to pay for everything. This is the gentlemanly thing to do based on centuries of tradition. However, when the check comes, watch her reaction to gauge your own response. If she opens her purse and checks for how much she owes on the check, offer a protest, but don’t make an issue of it if she seems determined.

Some women are as confused as men by what is now acceptable in this area and feel they should at least make as if they are going to pay their portion of the check, but are really watching to see if you are going to pay it for them. It’s a thin line to walk between allowing a woman to do as she pleases and ensuring she feels you’ve done the right thing. If you can inject humor into the situation, it will make everyone feel more at ease.